


edge of seventeen

by kinsgdom



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Crush, Everyone Is Gay, Everything will be fine, Family Bonding, Flirting, Gangs, Horny Teenagers, Insecure Huang Ren Jun, Jaemin is a cool bissexual jock, Jealous Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Motorcycles, Nerd Huang Ren Jun, Not Beta Read, Pining, Renjun's mom is Awesome, Soft Huang Ren Jun, Teen Romance, Things will get a bit dark eventually, Underage Drinking, but not TOO dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19965328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinsgdom/pseuds/kinsgdom
Summary: Renjun is a hopless teenage nerd who reads Leo Tolstoy and has crushes on rock stars from the 70's. Jeno is into motorcycles, leather jackets and—as it seems, making Renjun's life much more complicated than he could ever imagined.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (everyone say thank you Stevie Nicks for ~~our lives~~ inspiring me to write some noren content on this website)

_"He was no more_  
_(He was no more)_  
_Than a baby then_  
_Well, he seemed broken hearted_  
_Somethin' within him_  
_But the moment_  
_That I first laid_  
_Eyes on him_  
_All alone on the edge of seventeen"_

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

“Light reading?” a strange voice asked, making Renjun jump out of the world that had replaced the garage around him.

Renjun and his mom had stopped, or more accurately, been forced to stop on the way to the movies. Their car had decided to die right outside the aforementioned garage— luckily for them. Renjun hated to think what would have happened with them being on a lonely stretch of road. His mother had ordered him to stay in the car, on account of who this particular establishment belonged to. The Scarlet Skulls. A motorcycle gang. Or club, as they called themselves. Renjun had a feeling the distinction was very important. He didn’t know much about them since they were new in town, but Renjun knew that Mr. K., his neighbor, was a member. 

Renjun regained his wits remarkably quick, especially since the boy leaning against his mom’s car could be considered as nothing less than _smokin’ hot_. His midnight black hair fell like inky silk around his face, and he was _tall_. With him only inches away from Renjun, he could see the veins pulsing from his limbs if he looked hard enough. His eyes were the most vivid brown he’d ever seen. They almost stopped him from exploring the rest of his face. Almost. It was perfectly proportioned, with a defined jaw that looked like it belonged to a man, not a boy, who Renjun guessed would be about his age. So yeah, he was smoking hot. _Literally smoking_ —a cigarette.

He set his book in his lap and narrowed his eyes at the offending death stick. Some kids, a lot of kids his age, smoked those things for various reasons; image, weight loss, or the pursuit of the elusive ‘cool.’ With his male model good looks, leather jacket, and general ‘devil may care’ attitude, this boy did not need something as trivial as a cigarette to make him cool. 

“Those will kill you, you know,” Renjun pointed out, ignoring his question.

He smirked and shrugged. “So I’ve heard,” he replied in a voice that sent strange shivers down Renjun’s spine. 

“So, either you don’t think the nicotine, tar, and arsenic you are subjecting not only yourself, but me to, will affect you, or you just don’t care?” Renjun asked with sarcasm that sometimes was automatic to him. He had his mom to blame for that.

His small smirk turned into a full-on grin. “Dimples, it’s just one cigarette. I won’t be dropping dead right here and now, don’t you worry”—his gaze turned blazing—“neither will you,” he promised.

_Dimples?_

Renjun swallowed. 

“So,” he moved the subject on, nodding his head to Renjun's lap, “War and Peace... Lit exams?” 

He glanced down at the book Renjun had completely forgotten about—something Renjun would have thought not five minutes ago was completely impossible. He didn’t forget about books the same way he didn’t forget about oxygen. They were necessary to his survival. That and music. 

“No,” he said finally, “just... reading.” He didn’t add it was for the second time, not wanting to look like a complete nerd. Renjun would never be ashamed of his utter love of the written word, but he didn’t think this hot boy would appreciate the extent of his own addiction. Few did. 

The guy in leather jacket nodded in what looked like approval, taking a long drag of his smoke. He purposefully turned his head to exhale away from Renjun. “Yeah, read that in ninth grade. I’m onto Anna Karenina right now, digging it,” he said, shocking his proverbial socks right off. His eyes flickered back to him. “You read it?”

Renjun gaped at him then nodded slowly, not speaking or anything, just nodded like an idiot.

He grinned again, showing a beautiful array of white teeth. Renjun stared at his mouth, transfixed with it. He idly wondered what his lips would taste like.

_What the fuck, Renjun._

“What’s your name, Dimples?” he asked, his eyes turning lazy.

“Huang Renjun.” 

His mind was still on kissing him. Renjun was lost in the thought, maybe because he’d never done that with a boy he’d just met. Scratch that, he’d never done that with a physical boy. Only in fantasies featuring long-dead musicians and action movie heroes. 

“Renjun,” he repeated.

He concluded his name had never sounded more awesome than when the hot guy in front of him said it in his husky voice.

“Jeno,” he continued.

Something passed between them. In the silence that descended, something turned almost palpable. Eyes were locked on each other, and it was impossible to tear away from it. It was like falling into another one of his daydreams, Renjun thought, but he wasn’t falling alone. It wasn’t him who chose to escape the world and venture into another offered by books or music. This was all Jeno. Those eyes drew him in and had him tumbling away from everything. 

_That is just too weird_ , Renjun thought, looking away. _I never knew I was good at flirting._

Maybe he wasn't. At all.

“Shouldn’t you be polishing hubcaps or sweeping out the garage, kid?” a deep voice shattered the moment, and Renjun blinked rapidly as Jeno lazily tore his eyes from him.

He looked at someone across the car and lifted the cigarette in his hand. “Smoke break,” he replied nonchalantly, as if whatever had passed between them five seconds before hadn’t actually happened.

Renjun stared at him as he gave one last glance, which Renjun clung to because the glance promised he wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating. It promised a shared secret. An impossible connection, one that would only make sense in books because people didn’t have that sort of connection from a five-minute conversation, not in real life. 

Renjun jumped when the driver’s door opened and his mother sat down in the car, her sharp eyes accusing.

He swallowed, fighting to get his breath under control. “What?” he asked innocently.

He hoped his voice made it seem like he had nothing to hide. Renjun and his mom were kinda of best friends. He told her everything. Until now. Something, he wasn’t quite sure what, warned him to keep this to himself and not tell the woman whom he completely adored and respected, to keep it between Jeno and himself, the stranger he knew nothing about.

His mom raised a disbelieving brow as if his forehead was transparent and she could see every thought it. “Don’t play dumb. That obscure Russian literature in your lap makes that act fall short.”

Renjun sat up straighter. He had to do better if he were to hide the truth of his feelings from her. The best way to do that was distraction and to rely on his mother’s utter hatred for reading anything that wasn’t based on celebrities.

“Leo Tolstoy is hardly obscure. He is considered to be one of the best novelists of all time,” Renjun informed her.

She rolled her eyes. “That book is fifteen hundred pages.” 

He raised a brow. “So?”

“So that book could be used to sink a small boating vessel, or as a weapon to knock out even the most hardheaded attacker,” his mom said with complete seriousness.

Renjun fought a smile. “I’m using it for its intended purpose.”

She didn’t miss a beat. “I doubt its intended purpose is to be sitting in the lap of a teenage gay boy while another teenage boy puffs smoke in his face.”

Renjun's elation at maneuvering the subject quickly dissipated, but luckily, he was saved when someone called from the vicinity of the trunk of the car.

His mom pointed at him one last time. “This isn’t over,” she warned.

Renjun sank back in his seat the moment she left.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

“So I’m just going to circle back to the good news portion of this announcement. You mentioned we could still make our movie, despite your dire diagnosis of Gwen,” his mom said to the man in the coveralls. Renjun was certain that Mr. K. was the gang leader (and Jeno’s boss). 

Renjun hadn’t been aware that their car was in dire straits. Then again, the sounds it was making weren’t entirely natural. He wasn’t exactly cut up over the turn of events. His eyes locked with Jeno once more. Not cut up at all.

“Gwen?” Mr. K. repeated, making him jolt his eyes away from Jeno’s.

“Gwenevere. Our car,” Renjun answered for Mom once more.

“You named your car?” he asked in disbelief, looking at Mom.

“I didn’t name her, Renjun did. He was ten and decided a car such as this required an epic name,” Mom said quickly, embarrassment in her tone. It was unfamiliar. Mom never got embarrassed, even that time at a parent-teacher conference when she spilled coffee all down her white shirt, rendering it see-through. She had laughed it off and exclaimed, “I paid enough for this bra, at least someone gets to see it.” 

“I didn’t technically name her,” Renjun corrected, leaning against the car. “I merely broached the concept of naming the car. You were the one who christened her Gwen.”

“Only because all of the names you came up with were utterly ridiculous and didn’t suit the car’s personality,” Mom shot at him, finding her tongue.

“A car has personality?” Jeno’s boss asked, half choking on a laugh.

His mom thrust her hand out to the car in question. “This particular car does. Some obviously do not. But okay, we’re getting off-track again,” she said, giving Renjun a pointed glare. “The previews are lost to us at this rate, so we need to get back on track.”

Renjun was happy to forfeit their much-enjoyed previews to watch his mom like this and to sneak gazes at Jeno every now and then, feel his eyes constantly on him.

The clubhouse owner shook his head. “I’m guessing there’s no such thing as staying on track in a conversation with you two,” he deduced, correctly.

Luckily, it seemed that the men thought this was an amusing quality and chatted warmly and even gave them a loaner car to take in the meantime. Since it wasn’t quite ready for them to use, they couldn’t use it to go to the movies. Lucky, the smiling bald one in the coveralls had not only offered to take them, but to come with as . It was obvious, even to someone as inexperienced with such things as Renjun, he was interested in Mom.

He left his her to set the final arrangements on the garage and sat on the sidewalk with his own thoughts. 

His eyes searched the bays, which had a few people in coveralls. Then he moved his gaze to the clubhouse. There was a grassed area in the front, and a few men milled about, wearing the same leather cuts as Mr. K and Jeno. He squinted to see better.

“Want me to go and ask them if they’d be willing to sit while you paint them?” a voice said at his side.

He jumped at his mom’s presence. Renjun had been unaware she’d gotten out of the garage so quickly.

He pasted a grin on his face. “I’ve got what I need. I’ll do it from memory,” Renjun shot back.

She rolled her eyes and slung her arm around Renjun’s shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here before you decide to get yourself a motorcycle,” she said, directing them away from the clubhouse.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

It was a nightmare. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Jeno. It was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Boys like him were never on his radar, never even in his stratosphere. He read countless books about every subject under the sun, every great literary work he could get my hands on. The Bronte sisters, Dickens, Fitzgerald. He listened to every song that he considered necessary to his existence. David Bowie. Neil Young. Fleetwood Mac. Kate Bush. All of the things that were a part of his soul, most of them were inspired by, sparked by, and he wished with the romantic wish that their lives might turn into some novel. 

That’s what he was thinking of when he shut his locker, how to match make his mom and Mr. K and how to forget about how that Jeno kid made him feel. So he jumped when realized someone was leaning against the one next to his.

“Dimples,” he greeted, his eyes glued to his.

_Fuuuck._

“Um... Jeno, hey,” Renjun stuttered, while shuffling his books in his hand so he didn’t drop them at his feet like an idiot.

In one smooth move, his books were out of his arms and safely stacked in his slightly muscled ones.

The bell rang and he pushed off the locker.

“You don’t have to carry my books,” Renjun argued quickly, aware that various kids walking past them were staring. Boys and girls with exclamation points on their heads. 

“What class you got?” he asked, ignoring Renjun protest and ignoring the stares they were getting. He seemed genuinely unaware; every ounce of his attention was on Renjun. It was unnerving to say the least. People, especially teenagers, never gave you their complete attention. They were on their phones, or their eyes were half glazed over. Maybe that’s why he preferred the small handful of friends he had back at his old school. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t made any friends there yet. 

“Calculus,” he said automatically; He couldn’t help the dread in his voice. Renjun hated it with a passion. But he was also a perfectionist, so despite his distaste for it, he worked hard to get decent grades. He needed more than decent grades to get a scholarship. 

Jeno grinned slightly at something and turned in the direction of the class. “Let’s go then. Wouldn’t want you to be late for a class you’re obviously itching to get to,” he deadpanned.

Renjun got into stride beside him. “You’re hilarious. Anyone who actually likes calculus needs their head examined,” he informed him seriously.

He gave Ren Jun a sideways glance and their shoulders brushed against each other as they walked. The casual touch and his proximity seemed to make all of Renjun's nerve endings fizz as if he’d gotten a mild electric shock. Renjun instinctively touched his hair to make sure it wasn’t awry with wild static.

Jeno followed Renjun’s hands, his eyes intense. “Don’t worry. Your head doesn’t need to be examined. It’s beautiful,” he said softly. “Though I wouldn’t be averse to examining it, if pressed.”

Renjun’s breath left him in a whoosh at his words. He actually tripped over his feet, like an idiot. 

He stopped to catch him, no easy feat considering he was carrying his books. His hand grasped Renjun’s elbow, and his eyes burned. “Easy, Dimples,” he murmured. “Don’t want to be damaging that pretty head, do we?”

The moment seemed to yawn on forever, the crowd of students dissipating, everything leaving that moment like it did at the garage days ago.

“Shouldn’t you be getting to your next class, instead of accosting our newest student, Mr. Lee?” a voice jolted them out of our little universe once more. This one was stern.

His head snapped to the source of it, though he noticed Jeno’s eyes were still firmly on him.

A short man stood in front of them. Half of his head was bald, and he’d gone to great pains to comb over what little he had left. The result was not effective. His face was pinched, and somehow Renjun was immediately reminded of a ferret. He was also glaring at Jeno like he was responsible for climate change. Renjun vaguely remembered him as the vice principal. He couldn’t remember his name. Renjun was in danger of forgetting his own when he was in Jeno’s presence.

“Mr. Lee?” he repeated with impatience, eyes narrowing even more as Jeno studiously ignored him.

Renjun moved his gaze back to those eyes that were still staring at him; they twinkled slightly, and Jeno gave a small grin before he turned his head. He raised his brows at the vice principal with impatience of his own, somehow managing to look like he was the one disciplining him. 

He didn’t say anything, merely waited.

“Do you want another detention, Mr. Lee?” the vice principal finally gritted out.

Jeno grinned. “Not particularly,” he responded.

The vice principal’s cheeks turned red. “Well, I advise you get to your next class and subject some poor teacher to your insolence, instead of Mr. Huang here,” he instructed harshly.

Renjun pursed his lips together in anger that wasn’t familiar. He was immediately annoyed at the way that man was talking to Jeno, the lack of respect and downright hostility in his demeanor.

He stepped forward. “It’s my fault,” Renjun explained. “I was lost, and Jeno was helping me find my way.”

The teacher regarded him warily. The sharp barb of hatred was gone from his gaze now that it was directed at Renjun, but a shadow of it remained. On Jeno’s account, Renjun guessed, for whatever reason.

His mouth turned into a cruel smile. “Well, I doubt Mr. Lee would be much help, considering he barely goes to his own classes. You’re probably more likely to get lost with him as your guide than going it alone.” His gaze darted to the dwindling amount of students left in the corridor. He stopped one boy in a soccer shirt on his way past. “Mr. Na, would you do Ms. Huang the favor of escorting him to his next class?” he asked, though it wasn’t exactly a question, merely a command with a question mark at the end.

'Mr. Na' was a boy he’d seen around a few times. He was almost always surrounded by boys in matching soccer jerseys and various girls, most of them cheerleaders. He was your quintessential soccer jock—regular height, handsome with wavy and flawless hair, light skin, and lean muscles. His eyes ran down Renjun's body, and he showed him his white teeth when he made it back to his face. “I’d like nothing more,” he responded with a grin.

Renjun felt Jano step forward, heat at his back. His gaze flickered to him and any hint of the previous teasing, softness he had had with Renjun disappeared. His jaw was hard and his eyes were glittering with fury.

“That’s really not—” Renjun tried to protest.

“I must insist. I have some business to discuss with Mr. Lee,” the vice principal interrupted him.

Jeno took another step forward, slightly in front of Renjun, first glowering at the vice principal in a way he didn’t think he was capable of. It was full of menace. Of promise. It was not the way a teenager looked at an adult. The way he stared at him, Jeno switched the positions of power somehow, exhibiting an aura of assertiveness, one that made the vice principal look painfully small.

“Those his books? I’ll take those, thanks, bro?” Jaemin—he thought that was his name—held out his hands to Jeno, smiling at him.

Jeno stared at him for a long moment, and Renjun actually thought something— not sure what—bad would happen. Then he seemed to shake himself out of it, purposefully turning to him, books still in his hands. He handed them to Renjun pointedly.

“Catch you around, Dimples,” he said. It wasn’t a casual phrase the way most people used it. It was a promise.

They stared at each other for another long moment before Jeno stepped back. Renjun almost sighed out loud at the loss of him.

Jaemin immediately stepped forward. “Should we go? Don’t want you to be late. What class you got?” he asked as if the tension hadn’t been stifling just moments before.

Renjun tore his gaze away from Jeno, who was still staring at him. “Calculus,” he said finally.

“Sweet, me too,” he said, sounding pleased. There was a slight pressure at his lower back as Jaemin lightly touched him, turning them away from Jeno and the vice principal, whom Renjun held a serious distaste for.

Renjun looked over his shoulder at Jeno, who was flat out ignoring the vice principal and was glaring at Jaemin’s hand.

“Though Mr. Kwon is a total prick at the best of times, I will thank him for giving me the opportunity to talk to the new guy,” Jaemin said, causing politeness to kick in, which meant he had to look at him. Plus, he couldn’t very well stroll down the corridor staring at Jeno. He’d smack into something and look like an idiot. "I'm not a bully or anything, I just think you're cute."

_Well, now this is a twist._

Renjun didn’t really knew what to say to something like that; luckily, he didn’t seem to expect a response.

“Jaemin,” he said, pointing to his chest. 

“I know. Renjun,” he replied quietly, shuffling his books.

He nodded to them. “Want me to take those?”

Renjun held them tighter. “I’m good,” he said firmly. Stupid as it was, there was something decidedly intimate about the way Jeno had taken his books. He didn’t want it to be taken away with Jaemin doing it.  
  
He didn’t seem offended, just nodded. “So, where’d you move here from?” he asked, doing a chin lift to a couple of boys who walked past them.

“Um, China,” he replied, not liking the smiles they exchanged when they looked from Renjun to him.  
  
“China, sweet. You’re going to find it pretty boring here. There’s a lot less to do than in the big city,” he informed him, directing them into the classroom.

“I'm not from a big city. And boring’s good,” he told him.

He gave Renjun a strange look, then sat them down amidst people who Renjun didn’t know, but he exchanged greetings with. He desperately wanted to sit off in the corner on his own where he could labor over equations in silence, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Everyone, this is Renjun. He’s new. Renjun, this is… everyone.” He grinned stupidly as Renjun felt various probing eyes on him.

He’d had it initially. This was a small town and Renjun was new. People, especially high school kids, took notice. Hardly anyone actually came up and actively tried to make friends. Some were nice enough, chatty even, but he didn’t come home with a huge handful of party invitations either. People didn’t fawn over the new kid like they did in movies. 

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

“So, what’s the deal with you and Jeno?” Jaemin asked out of nowhere.

“Jeno?” a dark-haired girl who was one of Jaemin’s friends, repeated, her eyes darting to Renjun's very direction. They were not kind.

He was somehow being bustled to the cafeteria with a growing group of Jaemin’s friends and all of the attention was on him.

“Yeah, he had his books and he looked like he was going to fight me for them when I was showing Jun to class,” Jaemin explained.

_Jun?_

“He was carrying your books?” a girl he didn’t know asked in disbelief. She was small, wearing a cheerleading uniform, and her chocolate-brown ringlets were separated into pigtails.

“He was probably trying to steal them. He’d steal anything that wasn’t nailed down,” the dark-haired girl shot in snidely.

Renjun did not like her. He usually reserved judgment on people, a quality his mom instilled in him, but his mom would gladly have his back with a girl like this. There were people like this in every school, it seemed. They made themselves appear bigger by making others smaller.

Anger crept up his throat at the way she was referring to Jeno.

“He was just _carrying_ them,” Renjun emphasized that word, looking pointedly at that girl before he continued, “to be friendly.”

She smiled cruelly. “You’re new, and you seem... trusting,” she began, using the word as an insult. “Jeno doesn’t have a friendly bone in his body, trust me,” she said sweetly like she was looking out for him.

He breathed heavily and swallowed it, just in time for them to reach the cafeteria and for him to be ushered to a huge table.

Once more, introductions were made and Renjun spent the rest of lunch fielding questions about his last school, and everything else that could possibly be interesting about himself. He answered on autopilot, his gaze darting around the cafeteria for Jeno.

He didn’t find him. And found himself immensely disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi at @mingi099 on twitter 🥰


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo part 2!! new characters, a few twists, lots of flirting and staring and small touches in this chapter so be aware of the Horny Teens!!!!  
> and thank you sooo much for every kudos and comments you guys are awesome!!!! ilysmmmmm ♡♡♡♡

The next Wednesday, Renjun had commenced his plan to get his mom and Mr. K. together. It was perfectly executed with a strawberry cake and an excuse to get her to deliver it. She just happened to be at home when he finished it, and he just happened to be on his way to meet a girl from English class, which meant he was unable to deliver it.

Renjun felt very tempted to rub his hands together and laugh like an evil genius at his brilliance. Though, that would give him away. So, instead, he rushed out the door with English books in tow, giving his mom no choice in the matter.

He made it to the café in town feeling rather pleased with himself. He was actually looking forward to his study date also. Renjun loved any chance to discuss Shakespeare, but he was also happy with the girl in his English class who had been assigned his partner.

“Yeri!” he greeted with a grin as he breezed through the door. “Sorry I’m late.” Renjun sank down into the chair, heaving his bag onto the table.

She smiled shyly at him. “No problem.”

Yeri was quiet and definitely a fellow bookworm. She hardly said much, which was all right since Renjun was happy to do most of the talking. He didn’t make friends easy, but when he felt comfortable with someone, he engaged in word vomit like he did with his mom on a regular basis.

He felt comfortable around Yeri. She was real, unlike Jaemin and his friends, who he’d had to suffer two lunches with before he’d escaped them. He’d escaped them by sitting with Yeri on the third day. The cheerleaders had breezed past them like they were invisible. Jaemin and a couple of the other boys smiled hello, but no one stopped.

Renjun almost felt... disappointed at Jaemin. The way he was trying to make Renjun comfortable around him seemed— in more than one occasion—that he was really going for a real friendship. So it was sad really, the way they clung to social hierarchy. Yeri wasn’t considered “cool.” Renjun didn’t give a damn at how Yeri dressed. Nor how she stuttered over her words. She was friendly, sweet, and although she didn’t say much, they got on.

“Okay then, let’s get down to business,” Renjun declared, yanking out a book. “But first, I need about a gallon of coffee, how about you?” he asked.

Yeri nodded. “Make that two gallons.”

Renjun put his hand over hers. “Your love of coffee has made us soul mates,” he said seriously with a grin.

Yeri glared at him, taking off her hand. “Don’t say things like that.” she stuttered, with flustered cheeks. “I know you’re not very into... girls.”

Renjun almost choked on his words. “I’m so sorry, I didn't meant to—"

"It's okay." she responded simply. "It’s not like it is a taboo anymore."

Renjun let out a long sigh. “Everyone seems to know that, apparently,” he commented, nervously laughing. Yeri arched one eyebrow, confused. "I mean the 'new kid is super _not_ straight' thing."

Then she laughed. “There's no biggie.” Yeri said looking at her books, avoiding Renjun’s eyes. “Things have changed. For the best, I guess? When our best player started to date guys instead of girls, people kinda had to move on from that. You know, the team making to the finals was more important than everyone being freaking homophobes. This school has some very serious priorities.”

Renjun raised a brow to all that information. She'd never said so many words to him before. 

_Apparently soccer is her priority too._

“When you said best player, you meant…?”

“Jaemin, of course.” she answered, with a strange hint of pride floating on her voice. “He’s our top scorer. 27 goals last season. A natural striker.” 

“Woah, I know absolutely nothing of soccer but he seems good.” Renjun’s curiosity got him on the edge of his seat. “Is he dating anyone now?” 

Yeri's smile widened, quickly opening one of her books. “English first, young padawan. We have a lot to do and plenty of time for gossip later.”

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

“Lee Jeno is staring at you,” Yeri hissed as they gathered their books, getting ready to leave.

It was two hours of intense study and thirty minutes of comfortable conversation later; they had agreed to call it a day.

Renjun didn’t have a chance to answer because her eyes bulged and her face turned pink. “He’s coming over here,” she declared in horror, quickly shoving things in her bag.

He felt him before he saw his face, heat stopping close to his shoulder.

“Hey, Dimples,” he murmured almost in his ear. His eyes moved to the girl who looked like she might go into cardiac arrest. “Yeri.” He nodded with a smile.

Yeri’s jaw dropped open at the fact he said her name and she quickly hurried out of the booth. “H-hey, um, I’ve got to...” She pointed at the door. “Bye,” she blurted before almost running out the door.

Renjun followed her with his eyes before turning his attention back to Jeno. He drank him in greedily. He hadn’t seen him around school the past few days, and he just hated to say it, but he looked for him around every corner. Jeno looked as good as he did the last time, wearing dark jeans, a white tee, and a motorcycle jacket.

Renjun saw his eyes touch the small sliver of skin showing at his stomach as he straightened after putting all his books in his bag.

“You scared off my study partner,” Renjun accused.

Jeno shrugged. “It seems I have,” he agreed. “You need someone to help you study?” he asked, voice teasing.

Renjun swallowed a grin. “No thank you, I’m done. I was just leaving, in fact.” 

Jeno’s eyes bore into him. “Where you goin’?”

“Home.” Though he really wanted to say _“Wherever you’re going.”_ He was afraid that might sound a little tragic considering this was the third— _yes, he was counting_ —time Renjun had been in his presence.

Jeno nodded out to the window. “I’ll take you.”

Renjun followed his gaze out the window and let out a small laugh. He did it partly to hide the way his stomach dipped the moment he set eyes on the motorcycle he had nodded to. An image of himself riding on the back of that, pressed up against _him_ , came to his mind. His spine tingled at that thought.

Jeno tugged on a lock in his hair. “Somethin’ funny about my bike?” he asked softly.

He shook his head slowly. “No, your bike is... awesome, for lack of a more eloquent word,” Renjun replied honestly. “The possibility of me riding it... not so awesome,” he explained.

“Mommy would bring out the shotgun?” he guessed with a smirk.

“Mommy would bring out every weapon in the book, then murder me slowly,” He corrected.

Jeno fell into stride beside him as they walked towards the door. Renjun expected him to suggest not telling his mom; Jeno had a ‘screw the establishment and all authority figures’ vibe about him, but he stayed silent.

“What are you doing?” Renjun asked when he realized that they had left the coffee shop and walked straight past his amazing bike. 

“Walking you home,” he responded immediately, brushing his shoulder against Renjun’s.

He glanced at him. “But you’ll have to walk all the way back here to get your bike. That’s silly. I can walk home alone,” Renjun informed him, stopping on the sidewalk. “I’m not a child.”

Jeno stopped too, and moved to face him, standing so close their bodies almost touched. Every part of Renjun seemed to zing with electricity at the proximity. “I don’t want you to be alone,” he murmured. “I don’t much want to be alone either, not when I’ve got the opportunity to walk with you.”

Renjun stared at him, stunned. He stared at his lips, licking his own. _Reflex._

Jeno’s eyes hardened and he stepped back. He nodded his head down the street. “This way?” His voice was hard, the words flat. Renjun noticed the cords in his neck pulsing, and his hands were balled into fists.

He idly wondered at his reaction. _Was it my fault? Did I do something?_ He cursed his lack of experience. His lack of knowledge.

Renjun nodded when he realized he was waiting for a response.

Jeno started walking at his nod and Renjun automatically did the same, not wanting to leave his side.

They were silent for a long while, long enough to leave the main street behind, and go into the neighborhood where his house was. For once, Renjun cursed how small this town was. He wanted his house to be hours away, not minutes that seemed to be passing far too quickly.

“Your dad, where’s he?” Jeno asked suddenly.

Renjun glanced at him; he was watching him intently as he walked. Not many people asked straight out about his dad when he alluded to the fact he wasn’t around. They danced around the subject, asking vague questions, trying to probe the answer out of him so they didn’t look nosy. Renjun liked how Jeno asked straight up, no bullshit.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Never met him.”

Jeno’s eyes darkened, and he grasped his hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Renjun,” he said softly.

_Renjun? What happened with Dimp—_

He focused on his breathing, on not doing something stupid like passing out at his hand clutching his own.

“Don’t be sorry,” Renjun said finally, slightly breathless. “My mom, she’s amazing. She’s more than I could have ever asked for. I don’t even notice that I’m meant to have two parents. She’s crazy enough to be both the mom and the dad.”

He wasn’t lying; weirdly, he didn’t have a gaping hole where he thought a father should go. Maybe it was because he’d never known any different, maybe it was because he’d never felt like missing out on anything. 

“Though,” he whispered, “sometimes I do wonder about him. About why he left us. Sometimes I have stupid dreams about him coming home and declaring he’d been held hostage for seventeen years or some other equally ridiculous reason for being absent from our lives.” he paused. “Sometimes I do wish I knew why,” he said softly. “I’ve never told anyone that.” 

Jeno’s hand squeezed his. “I’m glad,” he replied, voice hard, “that I’m the first person to get a piece of you no one’s ever got.”

Renjun’s heart jumped at the statement, the feeling behind it.

_What does that even mean?_

He expected him to say more, but Jeno was silent, looking down the street, though Renjun guessed it wasn’t the street he was truly looking at.

“What about your folks?” he asked, needing to know more about the elusive boy who had taken his mind hostage.

He kept staring for a long moment, long enough to make him think he wasn’t going to answer.

“My old man died when I was a kid,” he declared flatly. “Mom’s a junkie. _Mom_ isn’t exactly the title I’d give her, but I’m mindful of not corrupting the gentle ears around me.” He gave him a soft, teasing look.

Renjun stopped walking at his words, causing him to stop too. His heart bled right there in his chest; those words had actually opened it up, the pain for him was so real, it physically hurt.

Jeno’s brows furrowed as he bent his head to meet his eyes. “What happened?” he asked, eyes guarded like he was expecting something, something bad.

“I’m so sorry,” Renjun choked up, feeling tears filling his eyes. “I can’t even imagine that. Having no one,” he whispered.

“I’ve got people,” he told him. “Got the club. They’re my family. Wouldn’t trade them for anything. Plus, I’m not alone right now.” He pinched Renjun’s cheeks. “You’re too pretty to be sad.”

Renjun was paralyzed staring at him, drinking in every moment of... whatever this was. He didn’t understand it, the thing between them. This tingling at the bottom of his belly at Jeno’s every touch. This sort of yearning. 

_The impossible need to kiss him._

Renjun managed to shake himself out of it and stepped back, then they were walking once more.

“The club,” Renjun said finally, after getting his emotions together. “That’s the same one Mr K’s in?” he asked. Though it seemed like a stupid question because he had been at the garage that also served as their clubhouse. He was infinitely curious about the motorcycle club that everyone in town seemed to know about. His knowledge of motorcycle clubs was pretty lackluster, apart from what he saw in the media. He didn’t get the feeling these were the bad guys the news painted out most motorcycle clubs as. The men Mom and himself had met at the garage certainly seemed scary at first, but they were friendly, and Renjun felt weirdly at ease with them.

Especially Mr. K. Renjun knew he was a good person. Something inside him just knew.

Jeno gave him a sideways look. “Mr. K?” He paused. “Oh, Kang-Dae,” he muttered, almost to himself. “Yeah. Grew up in it. They’re good people, despite what anyone says.” Then he sounded almost defensive.

Renjun gazed up at him. “I know they’re good people,” he stated with a small smile. “You’re in the club. So is Mr. K. They’re good people.”

Jeno stopped once more, and Renjun was glad because they had reached the end of his street and he really didn’t want to stop talking to him.

“You don’t judge anyone on first glance, do you?” he asked, amazement dancing in his eyes.

He smiled again. “No, not until I’ve had the chance to get to know them and had a chance to make up my own mind, and not let other people make it up for me.”

Jeno gazed at him for a long moment. “Hell,” he whispered. “You’re a different species than most of those airheads at school,” he pointed out in disbelief.

Renjun turned serious. “You don’t seem like normal a seventeen years old boy neither,” he countered. 

“That’s ‘cause I’m not,” he responded, his voice flat. His face turned serious. “No one outside the club, specially not in that place full of idiots we call a school, has had a different opinion of me. Apart from you,” he murmured. “I treasure that. I need you to be wary though,” he warned. “The fact you didn’t judge the club, anyone in it, is amazing, believe me. But you need to be wary. Don’t be certain of anyone else who looks rough around the edges. There's people who wouldn’t hesitate to take advantage of a kid’s lack of prejudice. People who I’d have to beat up if they did so.”

Renjun swallowed and regarded him with wide eyes. He didn’t completely understand everything Jeno said, but he was pretty sure he said he’d be beating up people for him. It was intense. Scary. Terrifying. 

_Terrifying because I liked it._

Jeno's thumb and forefinger grasped his chin. “Need you to tell me you understand what I said,” he commanded softly.

He didn’t. Not really. But he’d most likely be obsessing over this conversation for the next twenty hours, so he was sure he’d understand later. So he nodded. “I understand.”

They stayed like that for a couple seconds and time started to slow down. Renjun gaped at him. His stomach dipped at his proximity and his heart threatened to beat out of his own chest at the look in Jeno’s eyes, how close he was standing to him.

_He’s going to kiss me._

His eyes darted to the left. He nodded his head. “That’s your place.”

_Never mind._

The moment passed. Renjun followed his eyes to his house at the end of the street. “Yes it is,” he agreed.

“Go to it,” he ordered. His thumb brushed Renjun’s jaw and he stepped back. “I’ll see you at school,” he promised, giving him one long look before turning on his motorcycle boots and walking back towards town.

Renjun stood there, staring at his retreating form, waiting for his heartbeat to return to normal, for his breathing to stop choking him.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

Two days later, soon after the bell rang Renjun rushed out of the classroom. He walked and poked around the school doors and corridors until he found what he was looking for.

“Hello?” he called to the cavernous room.

No one answered. He paused for a second longer, just to make sure he was alone.

He wasn’t necessarily hiding, per se, but he was having a cocktail of emotions threatening to explode since his last meeting with Jeno, so he needed this empty room. The one he’d found when he was lost a couple of days ago. The one with the stage and the old piano in the middle of it.

It wasn’t a guitar, but it was something. It offered him the solace, the quiet that music offered.

He sat down and lightly traced his hands along the keys. He wasn’t as good on the piano as with the guitar. With the guitar, he barely knew where his hands ended and the instrument began. But the moment he touched the keys, instinct took over and his entire body relaxed. He got lost in the music.

He started to sing “The Chain” by Fleetwood Mac softly at first, the words running through him like a river. Everything fell away but the music, and he was able to silence his unquiet mind.

As the last note of music flew off into the air, and his voice softly trailed off, he immediately heard all of the noise rush back in.

Literally and figuratively.

“Holy shit! You’re like... fucking amazing,” an excited voice yelled.

Renjun jumped, nearly completely off the stool, his eyes snapping open.

“Good one, scare the living shit out of him. He’ll run before we even get to talk to him,” another, quieter voice scolded.

Renjun watched Jaemin punch the one who yelled in the shoulder. He was wearing all black and had shine blond hair. Despite being scared out of his wits, he appreciated his Joy Division tee. They were walking up the stairs to join him on stage, alongside his study buddy Yeri.

“What and odd group of people I never imagined coming this way,” Renjun joked lightly.

All three of them chuckled. The one in the tee came to sit right next to him on the piano seat, not worrying about things like personal space with virtual strangers.

"I guess you've met my sister." Jaemin chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Renjun had to double take, looking from Yeri to Jaemin a couple times with widening eyes.

"Wait. _What?_ Yeri is your sister?"

"Unfortunately." they both said in unison.

Renjun wanted to flip the piano.

"Yeri! We've been literally talking for days now, and you've never cared to mention it? What the hell, guys."

"I thought you'd figure out by now." she said, smiling like a kid who just ate the last cookie and blamed it on their sibling.

Renjun furrowed his brows further. "I never saw you guys interact even once. How would I ever—"

"I don't like his other friends." Yeri tucked her hair behind her ears, unbothered. "And I have enough of him already at home."

To that, Renjun had to laugh.

The blond one laughed with him, looking at his hands resting on the keys of the piano. “You sing very well, dude,” he mused changing the subject, frowning at Jaemin accusingly before turning his attention back to Renjun. “Jaemin here never share the good details about his new friends."

"I'm as impressed as you, asshole." Jaemin defended himself. "I didn't know he could sing."

Jaemin leaned on the piano and smiled at him. He was wearing a striped crew neck sweater, faded jeans, and Chuck Taylors. A different look from his usual soccer uniforms and lousy cheerleaders attached.

_He looks way cuter that way._

“Sorry Jun, he missed his dosage today,” Jaemin informed him, nodding his head toward the other boy. “This is Donghyuck.”

“Hi,” Donghyuck cut in with a grin. “The most talented and best looking by far,” he said confidently.

“Or maybe the loudest and dumbest,” Jaemin teased.

Donghyuck scowled at him.

Renjun found himself feeling warm and comfortable in their banter. “Renjun,” he said, before they could engage in fisticuffs, as entertaining as that would be.

“Yeah, I know,” Donghyuck said, moving his attention back to him. “A hot new guy from another country comes to school? First thing I did was find out your name, address, and social security number.”

Jaemin punched him in the shoulder once more.

Donghyuck rubbed it distractedly. “I mean, nice to meet you,” he said with a grin.

Renjun couldn’t help but laugh. “Nice to meet you too.” His eyes moved to the other two. “It's nice to see you guys too… like that."

Yeri smiled. “But I bet you’re wondering why we’re accosting you in the auditorium while you minded your own business, totally owning Fleetwood Mac,” she asked.

Renjun sat a little straighter. “The thought hadn’t crossed my mind,” he said seriously. “I just assumed you did this with all new students.” Sarcasm just naturally came out of his mouth. He usually reserved it for people he knew and felt comfortable around. That was a handful of people. Now it seemed three more were added to that small group.

There were a couple more chuckles.

“We were actually coming here to practice.” Jaemin nodded to the stage where a drum kit was hidden slightly by a curtain. Guitar cases leaned on it.

“What. You guys are in a band?” Renjun asked, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“Sort of,” Yeri hedged.

Jaemin jostled his knee. “Until now, the band was incomplete. We’ve needed a lead vocalist and another guitarist, and we’re the only talented people in this burg. We’d given up hope... until now,” he informed him with bright eyes.

Renjun realized they were all staring at him. “You mean me?” he asked in disbelief.

Jaemin nodded rapidly.

“If you’re interested,” Yeri added quickly. “We can jam together, now if you’re free?”

“Yeah, so we can assure you we don’t suck, which we don’t,” Donghyuck told him.

Renjun gaped at them. He’d never been in a band at home. The idea had been intriguing, but he didn’t exactly have the confidence to go out looking. Plus, he was a rather solitary creature. He was happy reading, writing music, listening to it, singing, doing all of that alone. But right now, he couldn’t think of anything cooler than making it with people.

Renjun gave them a small smile. “I’ll take you up on the jam offer, but I’m reserving my right to make sure you don’t suck before I answer the band offer,” he teased.

Donghyuck pushed up rapidly off the chair, jostling me slightly as he stood. “Let’s get to it.” He was gone and at the drum set before he could even stand.

Yeri winked and ambled over to a bass case.

Donghyuck gave him a warm smile that would have melted him had he not already been transfixed by another bad boy. “Welcome to the madhouse. Just a warning, once you’re in, you’ll never get rid of them.” He nodded to the Yeri and Jaemin. “Believe me, I’ve tried,” he joked, his eyes warm.

Renjun smiled back, and before he knew it, they had him situated in front of a mic and they were singing. Each song melted into another as they seamlessly played together like it was natural, like they had for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!boom is soty everything is beautiful and dream is perfection!!!!!!!!!!!!! and fuck you sm


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part three is here children, i hope you guys have some fun reading this mess ♡

“Calculus on your lunch break? We are living life on the edge,” a deep, teasing voice tickled his ear.

Renjun jumped slightly, not so much in surprise, but at the way his body immediately responded to the familiar voice, to the feel of heat at his back. He turned to meet Jeno’s eyes, which were twinkling.

He grinned. “What can I say? I’m a rebel,” Renjun smirked.

Jeno rewarded him with a grin that warmed his stomach. “Good thing I’m here then, to get you on the straight and narrow,” he said, setting his tray next to Renjun’s.

He watched Jeno sit down next to him. Like _right_ next to him. It was closer than people normally sat. Way closer.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in the cafeteria before,” Renjun mused, his nerves making his voice shake.

Jeno turned his body so it was angled to Renjun’s, so he got his full attention. “Don’t think I’ve been in here for a year at least,” he replied seriously.

His eyes popped out of his head. “Where do you spend your lunch break then?”

Jeno shrugged. “I usually go for a ride, hang out at the club.”

“But you’re not supposed to leave school grounds,” he pointed out, like the complete nerd he was.

Renjun felt red creeping up his neck the moments the words left his mouth, especially when Jeno’s lips turned up in amusement.

“What can I say? I’m a rebel,” he teased.

He barely resisted the urge to bury his head in his textbook. His eyes darted down for a moment. “Why are you here now then?” he whispered to math equations.

Renjun felt pressure at his chin as Jeno’s hand grasped it so it tilted up and their eyes met. “Found a very good reason to brave feeding time at the zoo,” he murmured.

He blinked rapidly at the meaning behind those words.

“I’m glad,” he whispered, blurting the thought before his mind could stop him.

Jeno’s eyes flared. “I am too,” he said softly, then his eyes flickered down to Renjun’s textbook. “For a multitude of reasons, one being so that I can ensure you don’t fail calculus,” he informed him, letting go of his chin.

The loss of his touch echoed through his body as his mind registered his words. He followed his eyes.

“They’re wrong?” he groaned.

Jeno grinned. “Spectacularly.”

This time, he did put his head in his hands. “I’m going to fail, which means I won’t get into college and I’ll end up having to busk on the streets for money.”

“Shush. You’re unlikely to be destined for a life on the streets, not when you’ve got me,” he promised.

Renjun pushed his head out of his hands to watch him as he pulled the book away from him and glanced down at it, strands of his inky hair falling around his face. Renjun had a desperate urge to run his hands through it.

“I’ve got you,” Renjun repeated his words, though he didn’t mean to do it out loud.

His head snapped up and his eyes were intense. “You’ve got me,” he repeated once more, and Renjun knew he meant for more than a calculus tutor.

Renjun wanted to freeze that moment in time and somehow make it tangible so he could tuck it away with his books and relive it over again. Unfortunately, reality made that impossible.

He tore his gaze away from Jeno’s and his eyes darted around the cafeteria. The sound he’d been shutting out the moment he’d locked eyes with him came roaring back in. People walking past were giving them sideways glances. More than a few were straight-up staring.

He worried if looks could kill, some glares would stop his heart instantly.

“People are looking at us,” he said quietly, moving his eyes back to Jeno.

He didn’t even glance around. “People are most likely lookin’ at you.” His face hardened slightly. “Though I’d be happy if the jock for brains is currently looking this way. Maybe then he won’t get any ideas that will make me have to divest him of some teeth,” he said, only half joking.

Renjun raised a brow at him. “Jaemin?”

“Yeah. Is he bothering you?”

“ _No._ ” he said quickly. “We're friends. I don’t think he’s getting any ideas.”

“God, you’re so naive.” he snorted. 

“Shut up.”

Jeno just smiled, reaching for Renjun's notes on calculus. 

“What ideas would those be?” he darted, not putting an end to their discussion.

Jeno's gaze darkened. “Many which don’t bear repeating, but the main one being he doesn’t realize how far out of his league you are,” he declared. 

“Jaemin is not like that.”

“Maybe. Though, there’s not one person in this place who’s even near your league, my humble self included,” he added, ignoring Renjun’s last statement. Then his face cleared, like he just remmembered something important. “Okay. Let’s get to making sure you don’t have a future on the streets,” he teased, the moment leaving.

Renjun forced a smile and tried his best to focus on the equations in front of him and not the muscled arm pointing to his mistakes and the boy attached to the muscled arm.

He failed spectacularly. But he would gladly fail calculus if it meant he got to spend every lunch break with Jeno.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

Renjun had a sort of psychic power. Well, not psychic, exactly. He couldn’t read minds or move objects with the power of thought. He couldn’t tell the future either. He could see what songs people needed. He believed in the power of music. To inspire, to communicate, to elate, to bring down, and... to cure. A good song, a song that spoke to your soul, could sometimes help repair a broken soul. Or at least act to soften the sharp edges.

So that’s why he sang Phil Collins' “Against All Odds” in the garage his mom had helped him convert into a practice space for their newly formed band.

It had been a whirlwind since their little band was born. It seemed he’d spent every spare second with them, who were quickly becoming his best friends along with bandmates. After school, study periods, and lunch breaks were dedicated to playing. And he loved it.

He thought he’d discovered the power, the beauty of music. Playing on his own with his guitar was one thing, but playing as part of an entire whole, playing with people who had the same passion as him was amazing.

It was also a helpful distraction from the fact he hadn’t seen nor heard from Jeno since that day in the cafeteria. Two freaking _weeks_ before. 

Their school was small, the chances of him bumping into Jeno should have been high, but considering he wasn’t in any of his classes and Renjun spent all of his time practicing, he guessed it wasn’t implausible he hadn’t seen him. Renjun had searched the cafeteria for his tall, leather-clad, and utterly mysterious form without luck. He didn’t have much time to actually look for him, considering we only were in there long enough for the boys and Yeri to scarf down food and then they went to the auditorium to practice.

Though they had needed a real practice space considering Mr. Kwon had found them when they were playing on a study break. They all happened to have study breaks together. Well, apart from Donghyuck, but he declared he would rather “listen to boybands on repeat for the rest of my life instead of going to History class.”

They had just finished playing "Cryin'" by Aerosmith, when Mr. Kwon revealed himself, arms crossed and face pinched.

“Oh shit,” Jaemin muttered beside him.

“What do you think you’re doing in here?” Mr. Kwon snapped, addressing all of them.

“Um, hate to point out the obvious, Mr. Kwon, but we’re playing music. Practicing for our band’s grand future,” Donghyuck drawled, grinning slightly.

Mr. Kwon was not impressed. “I can see what you’re doing, Mr. Lee,” he snapped.

“Well, why did he ask?” Donghyuck muttered under his breath.

Mr. Kwon narrowed his eyes. “I can see what you’re doing, but I’m lost as to the reason why you think it’s an appropriate use of school property and your time,” he continued sharply. “School is for bettering yourself, for making your future.” He ran his gaze over Donghyuck. “For most students at least. Wasting not only your time, but Mr. Na’s is frankly unacceptable.”

“Well, it’s technically our study period and coach gave me permission,” Jaemin cut in, his voice friendly even though he seemed to hated Mr. Kwon like the rest of us.

“I’ll be speaking with Mr. Cho about letting our athletes waste their time with such”—he scrunched up his nose—“trivial pursuits,” he promised.

“A life lived for art is never a life wasted,” Donghyuck cut in, his own eyes narrowed.

Mr. Kwon dismissed him with a condensing look. “I don’t appreciate the flippant attitude, Mr. Lee. I want you all out of here before I slap you all with detentions.”

He gave them one more warning look before turning on his heel and striding out.

“Did you actually just quote Macklemore to Mr. Kwon?” Yeri asked in disbelief once the door had slammed shut.

Donghyuck turned to her and shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I can exactly remember Plato on the fly.”

They were all quiet for a moment; then burst out laughing, apart from Donghyuck, who was watching them in confusion.

So, to avoid Mr. Kwon’s wrath, Renjun and his mom set aside Saturday to convert their garage into a practice space. Mom had done it under duress and complained the entire time. She hadn’t loved the idea of manual labor, but she was more than supportive of their band. She’d even convinced herself that she would be their ‘Momager’ when they hit the big time. It didn’t matter she hadn’t actually met the guys yet, nor heard them play, she supported him all the way. That was her.

Renjun got so lost in the song, in the lyrics, he didn’t notice anything but the rhythm passing through him, the words.

It wasn’t until silence descended and his mind started up again did he realize it wasn’t just his mom who he was singing to.

“Did it sound okay?” Renjun asked her, not noticing the figures in the driveway at first.

That was until one of them answered since his mom had gone mute.

“That was kick-ass, Renjun! You’ve got a great voice,” a loud voice exclaimed.

He jumped at the foreign, manly voice and his whole face flamed when he spotted the owner of it. More accurately, who the owner was standing beside. Mr K. was their bald and tattooed neighbour. He was leaning on their car, along with Jeno whose eyes were blazing into every part of him.

Renjun immediately jerked his head down, fiddling with the strings on his guitar.

With the absence of him even for a few days, the memory of their connection seemed to be more and more in the realm of his imagination, and at that moment, he wasn’t sure whether he’d imagined it. He didn’t want to make a dork of himself by going bright red and gazing at him. Even more so, he didn’t want to be educated on how wrong he’d be by looking into his eyes and seeing them empty of what had been there days ago.

So Renjun kept his head down while Mr. K and Mom chatted about the car, intent on his guitar strings like his life depended on it.

“So you going to audition for The Voice with those pipes?” a deep voice asked him, and it took him a moment to realize he was being addressed and the voice was closer than it had been before.

Mr. K. stood in front of him, hands casually in his pockets. He was a big man. Hotter than any movie star he’d drooled over with his mom in action movies. He was tall and totally rippling with muscles and tattoos. Renjun guessed he had the ability to look menacing with tattoos covering him and creeping up his neck, his shaved head, and his cut. But he didn’t. His eyes were light, and his smile friendly.

Renjun couldn’t help but smile back, focusing all of his attention on him instead of the boy who stood slightly behind him, instead of meeting the eyes he could actually feel on himself.

“I don’t think I’ve got any reality shows in my future,” he replied brightly, swallowing his unease and his sick excitement that came with Jeno’s presence. “I’m happy to be in a garage with my guitar and my band.”

“Band?” a raspy voice repeated before Mr. K. could answer.

Jeno stepped around him, right in front of Renjun, right in his bubble. He didn’t have any choice but to look at him.

“I didn’t even know you could sing like that,” he continued softly.

Mr. K. glanced at him and grinned even bigger.

He had told Jeno about his love of music in their cafeteria conversations, but he didn’t tell him the extent of it, nor how he sang or played guitar. Renjun always felt it would be kind of pretentious to tell people he was “good” at singing. It wasn’t something to boast about, to tell everyone about. It was him. A part of him just like his hands were a part of him. He didn’t exactly go around telling everyone he had hands

Renjun nervously glanced at him. “It’s new. Not the singing part, I’ve been doing that forever. The band part,” he babbled.

Mr. K. slapped Jeno on the shoulder. “Well, I can’t wait to see this band. Anyone with a singer like you is bound for superstardom. Promise you’ll get me Sunmi’s number when you hit the big time?” he asked seriously.

Renjun couldn’t help but giggle. “I’ll do my best,” he replied solemnly.

He rubbed his hands together. “Excellent.”

Jeno didn’t seem to find Mr. K. as amusing as Renjun did. He was too busy churning his stomach with the intensity of a stare.

_Okay, I hadn’t imagined it, whatever it was between us._

His stomach did a little flip at this realization.

“Sorry,” his mom apologized as she rushed back into the garage, her eyes on them. Or more aptly, Jeno. She quickly moved her attention to Mr. K.. “They were hiding from me.” She handed two keys to him, the keys to the loaner car they had been driving since their car was getting repaired.

Renjun couldn’t help but roll his eyes and reluctantly moved his attention from Jeno. He had to. Mom had crazy spidey senses; she would spot the way he was looking at the boy.

“We need a key rack,” Renjun informed her. Mom was forever losing our keys. I didn’t like to think how many parties, movies, and dinners we had been late to because Mom had inexplicably left the keys in the microwave or some equally obscure place.

Renjun watched her eyes narrow at the space between Jeno and himself, or more accurately, the lack of it before she focused on her son. “We do not need a key rack.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Where were said keys then?”

Her face lost a bit of its bravado. “They may have been in the freezer,” she muttered.

Mr. K. laughed at this. Renjun was not surprised, so he only gave Mom a triumphant look.

She glared at him and turned to Mr. K. “Thanks for everything. I assume your company will send an invoice?”

Now that her attention was diverted, Renjun snuck a glance at Jeno again. He was still staring at him. He stepped a hair closer and Renjun held his breath.

“Tonight,” was all he rasped before Mr. K’s voice broke the spell one word and one look had weaved.

“We’re off, Jen,” he declared, jerking his head to the car at the curb.

Jeno’s gaze stayed on him for a split second longer. Then he lifted his chin in farewell to Mom, who was frowning at him.

Renjun and his mom watched them go in silence.

“That anything I need to worry about?” Mom asked finally.

Renjun jerked, escaping from the thoughts he had about whatever “tonight” meant, struggling against the butterflies for tonight.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.

She put a hand on her hip. “The mini hot guy who could teach college classes on smoldering looks,” she stated lightly.

Renjun rolled his eyes and moved his attention to his guitar once more. He couldn’t lie worth a damn, especially to his mom. “Of all the things you need to worry about, such as climate change, corporate ownership, and your chances of developing heart disease, that is nowhere near in the realm of importance. It’s nothing,” he lied.

Mom stared at him; her gaze softened slightly. “I think I disagree. Things like planet Earth’s inevitable demise and my own health pale in comparison to my little treasure. I’m biologically ingrained to worry about you. I’ll do it until I’m old and gray and senile and telling my cronies in the nursing home about my rock star son,” she said softly. “It’s also my job to protect you. From fads like glittered eyeliner, to the dangers of over exfoliating, and broody teenage boys who have heartbreaker all but tattooed on their forehead,” she informed him, frowning at the spot where Jeno had stood.

Renjun pushed up and wandered over to her. “I don’t need protecting from such things. Especially heartbreak. I’m too busy concentrating on my future to worry myself about such trivial things,” he lied again.

His mom didn’t believe him, but she stayed silent.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

“Okay, not only is your mom like a total MILF, but she’s officially the coolest parent I’ve come into contact with,” Donghyuck declared. “I didn’t think parents like her existed. I thought they were just some myth.”

Yeri glared at him. “Jesus, you do not tell people their mom’s a MILF.” she scolded.

Donghyuck held up his hands innocently. “What? She is. I doubt Renjun’s blind; he knows his mom’s hot. Plus, it bodes well for you, kid. You’re the spitting image of her. You’ll age well,” he told him sagely.

Yeri sighed and shook her head.

Jaemin grinned.

Renjun giggled; he couldn’t help it. “Thanks, I can sleep easy knowing that,” he said dryly.

“Apart from being totally inappropriate, Donghyuck is right. It’s awesome we’ve got a practice space,” Yeri said, looking around the garage that would now be the band’s home.

Jaemin nodded. “Seriously. Thank her. You’re lucky she’s totally supportive of this,” he added in quietly.

The way his eyes hardened while saying this worried Renjun slightly. He’d only spent a few days with them, but he was already connected. So they hadn’t exactly told everyone about their lives. They didn’t talk much about their parents; apart from him, what teenager did? Renjun knew he was an exception, thinking of his mom as a best friend.

He had an inkling Yeri and Jaemin’s parents were far from their friends.

“Yeah, she is, isn’t she?” he said quietly, his mind in a hundred different places now the music had taken away the anchor.

“I’m totally down for us rocking covers and jamming out in the garage for now,” Donghyuck said, leaning against the wall. “But you also write some stuff, right?” he asked, nodding to the notebook that was never far from his person.

Renjun reddened at the thought of anyone actually reading the songs he wrote. He never put them there with the distinct intention of letting anyone else read them. He only wrote them because he had to. Because it was necessary.

“Nothing good,” Renjun said quickly.

“I bet that’s wrong,” Donghyuck argued.

“But, if you’re not ready to share, that’s sweet,” Jaemin cut in, giving Donghyuck a pointed look.

Yeri agreed nodding. “Maybe we could all write some stuff together.” She glanced at Donghyuck. “Well, the three of us, at least. I don’t think Donghyuck here has a long enough attention span to sit and write something longer than a text to his girl of the month,” she said with a frown.

Donghyuck shrugged, not looking offended in the slightest. “I’m happy with my role in the band. Best drummer and sex symbol,” he declared.

They all laughed at this and the warm feeling of having them encircled Renjun like a cocoon.

“We better get our sex symbol home so he can get his beauty sleep,” Jaemin said, slapping Donghyuck on the shoulder.

They packed up their stuff. Then he got hugs good-bye. They were overly affectionate with him, treating him like he was a beloved sibling, which, being an only child, he loved.

“See you later, Jun.” Jaemin saluted to him, meandering toward his beat-up car.

Donghyuck winked at him.

Yeri leaned in and kissed his cheek before she jogged to the car.

Renjun watched them leave with a smile.

“Honey! Can I turn your bedroom into a home theater or are you coming in here to sleep?” his mom yelled from the kitchen window.

He grinned. “I’m coming,” he yelled back.

He slowly walked back to the house, his stomach in knots. It was tonight. The tonight Jeno had whispered about. Tonight. No time, no inkling of when in the multiple hours classified as night as to when this would be. Vague. He didn’t like his chances of sleep.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

He did sleep, as unbelievable as it was. 

The buzzing of his phone jerked him out of a troubled slumber. He was immediately alert and fumbling for it, knocking various things off his dresser.
    
    
     ** _Jeno:_ **backyard

Renjun scrambled out of bed, getting caught in his blankets and falling to the floor with a bang.

“Ouch,” he hissed in frustration; then he froze. He listened to the silent house for any sign of his mom waking up and discovering him. After a few seconds, he was happy she wasn’t going to catch him doing something he’d never done before, sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. He moved.

He didn’t want to risk it, and he was worried his pounding heart would give out if he did change clothes. So all he could do was get out of bed with a sleepy face, messy hair and pj's.

At least he wasn’t wearing anything as embarrassing as his Harry Potter pijamas. 

He quickly shrugged on a chunky gray cardigan and slipped his feet into flip-flops before tiptoeing out of his room.

Every one of his nerve endings were on fire as he quietly closed the back door. He had never done anything like this. Never had the desire to do anything like this. He and his mom had an open relationship, so it was completely unnecessary for him to do things like sneak out. She’d never forbade him to do anything in his life, though he didn’t think she’d approve of meeting with a boy in the middle of the night. He felt slightly sick at the prospect of disappointing her, of doing something like this.

Another part of him couldn’t care less about this. All that part of him wanted was to see Jeno. He searched their dark and seemingly empty backyard, the trees backing onto the property looking slightly ominous. A twinge of fear crept up his spine before he felt heat at his back.

“Dimples,” a voice tickled his ear, and his entire body tingled.

Despite the familiar heat, the familiar voice, he jumped and turned. He couldn’t see Jeno very well in the dim moonlight, and it didn’t help he was wearing all black. But the shadow on his face bathed in the dim light had him holding his breath at his dark beauty.

“You scared me,” he whispered.

“You don’t ever have to be scared of me,” he murmured back, standing close, but not touching him.

Renjun breathed heavily as they stood in silence. “What are you doing at my house in the middle of the night?” he asked finally.

Jeno's hand moved up to his hair. His heart pounded at his touch. “Needed to see you,” he said simply.

Renjun blinked at him. “You saw me,” he pointed out softly. “This very day in fact.” he paused, thinking of the fact it was past midnight. “Or yesterday, now.”

“I didn’t get to see nearly as much of you as I would have liked. I’ve missed my little calculus student,” he said softly.

Renjun gazed at him. “Yeah, well, my grades have severely suffered from your absence,” he whispered back, his eyes darting up to his mom’s dark window, half expecting her to poke her head out and yell at him for being a terrible child. “Where have you been?” Renjun asked when he was satisfied they were safe from discovery for the moment.

“Around,” Jeno replied cryptically. “You’ve got such a beautiful voice. Knew you liked music, didn’t know you breathed it. That you owned it,” he murmured.

Heat crept up his neck. People had complimented him on his voice before, many times. Not being arrogant or anything, it was a fact. But Jeno saying it was somehow different; He treasured his compliment.

“Thanks,” he whispered shyly, looking at his flip-flops.

Jeno's hand went to his chin, tilting it up. “Seriously, Renjun, you’re destined for something great with talent like that. The world’s gonna be a much richer place when it hears that beautiful voice,” he told him in a rough voice.

Renjun stared at his eyes, feeling like he could see them clear as day, despite the hazy moonlight.

“Your band, that’s Yeri, Donghyuck, and... Jaemin?” he questioned.

He nodded against the hand that was still at his chin.

He was silent for a long moment.

“Any of the boys hit on you?” he asked in a hard voice.

Renjun blinked and couldn’t help it; he laughed softly. “Dude, no. They're like my brothers,” he informed him, screwing up his nose. "Donghyuck jokes around, but he's straight. And Jaemin... we've talked about this already. Besides, I think he's dating someone from the soccer team."

"You think?"

"He's very private." he shrugged. 

Renjun was curious where all this was coming from. The meaning beyond his questions and the hardness in his voice. The protectiveness. 

“I doubt any boy around here has fraternal feelings for you,” he informed.

“You’re so wrong on that score, man.” he argued. 

Jeno’s face lowered so Renjun could feel his breath on his face.

Every inch of him froze, even his breath. His unquiet mind was suddenly silent.

“Trust me, I’m not wrong,” he murmured.

They stayed like that, inches away from each other for the longest moment of his life.

Renjun was certain he was going to kiss him this time. He wanted him to kiss him, more than anything.

He felt his loss like a physical thing when he slowly pulled back.

Again, he ran a finger through Renjun's hair. “Go back inside,” he ordered hoarsely.

He stared at him. “I don’t want to.”

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. Then he was there, right there, his body taking up every inch of space around him, sucking up all the oxygen around him. Jeno's forehead rested against his. “You need to go inside,” he whispered. “’Cause I’m not gonna be able to control myself for much longer. And I’ll regret it. Hate myself for not being patient. For not waiting.”

"Why do we have to wait—"

Then there was cold air where his warm body once was. Renjun actually stumbled into the empty space.

“I’ll see you at school on Monday,” he promised.

Then, like a friggin’ magician, he disappeared into the darkness.

Renjun was guaranteed no sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~jealous!jeno has absolutely no chill lmao~~  
>  and here are the two special songs of this chapter: [against all odds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVjEcIANv1o) and [cryin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfNmyxV2Ncw) ♡


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update........ i was hit by a writers block the size of australia and shit tons of work but now I'M BACK.  
> even though i'm not particularly happy with this chapter at all i hope you guys have some fun ♡

“Bye Mom! I’m going for a run,” Renjun called into the kitchen, putting his iPod on an armband.

Mom leaned against the doorjamb, eating a cookie and frowning. “I don’t like you going running,” she said in between bites. “It increases the possibility of you seeing a dead body. I don’t want my baby scarred for life.”

He looked at her. “I can’t wait to hear the logic behind this one,” he muttered. “How does me running equate to me coming into contact with a dead body?”

“Um, watch any crime show ever? It’s always the jogger that discovers the body,” she told him as if he was slow for not making that connection. “Or the hiker,” she added. “That’s why we don’t hike.”

Renjun raised a brow. “Oh, that’s why? Not because you have the lung capacity of a ninety-year-old woman?” he asked sweetly.

She scowled at him.

Renjun put his earbuds in his ear. “Good-bye, mom.”

“Just remember, if you see any stray body parts sticking out of bushes, do not investigate. Call the authorities,” she shouted as Renjun turned his back.

“Love you too,” he replied, turning on his music.

Renjun loved running. Exercise. His mom to this day cannot reason as to where this came from, or his preference to eat things such as fruit and vegetables. Renjun enjoyed exercise, no matter the fact his mom couldn’t fathom that. He had a creative mind, one that was constantly on. It was only quiet when he was playing music, reading, or more recently, with Jeno.

It was never silent while he ran, but pushing himself, feeling his limbs burn, somehow helped to catalogue his wayward thoughts.

And wayward they were. It had been an amazing, crazy, and busy week. The night Jeno visited him in the backyard was the night he got no sleep. Instead, he lay on his bed for what felt like hours, headphones in, replaying every second of the small interlude in his head. Renjun had had butterflies the entire rest of the weekend, and he didn’t tell his mom, for obvious reasons. And he felt guilty. Incredibly guilty for keeping such a big secret from her. His feelings and thoughts had taken up so much of his mind it was like they had become.

“What are you thinking about so intently?” Mom asked him on sunday night.

He jerked up. “Nothing,” Renjun said quickly, hoping his face didn’t betray him. “Just homework stuff, band stuff,” he lied.

She stared at him for long moments, as if trying to use her mom powers to read his mind. Renjun did his best to look innocent.

“Don’t stress too much about homework,” she said finally. “Life is far too short for that, and you’re naturally intelligent; you get it from me. Plus, I need you here for emotional support while watching Queer Eye,” she added seriously, her eyes moving to the opening credits.

Renjun let out a breath through pursed lips, feeling like he’d dodged some sort of bullet.

It was a pretty surreal and somehow terrifying moment when Renjun realized that this, right here, was the moment he stopped telling his mom everything. That there was a piece of news, a piece of him that he couldn’t—that he didn’t want to share with her. She wasn’t just a mom; she was his best friend. He was scared that this was something his mom wasn’t a part of, somehow it was a grown up part of him, although most adults would dismiss what Jeno and Renjun had as not “real love.” He knew better. With a certainty that came from ignorance he guessed, but a certainty nonetheless.

Monday at school he was a wreck. Nerves chewed his stomach and he’d gotten up at six for a run to attempt to calm himself. Then he spent the first few periods barely listening, barely taking anything in; his thoughts were on seeing Jeno again. So he had wandered aimlessly into the cafeteria, trying to casually scan it for him.

“Hey,” a voice sounded from behind.

Renjun swallowed and turned slowly, eyes meeting Jeno’s for a split second before his traveled down Renjun's body. He watched in amazement as they darkened. His belly fluttered at the way his gaze was a physical touch.

“Hey,” Renjun breathed.

Jeno returned his gaze to his face and his arm moved up to lightly tug on his hair.

“Like your hair like this,” he murmured quietly.

The flutter in his stomach intensified so much he could almost feel it in his throat. The way he touched him, so casually, was intoxicating. He wanted more. 

_I want to kiss him. Right here, in front of everyone. I don't care._

“Renjun!” a voice shouted.

He jumped as the roar of the cafeteria returned. He moved his gaze to see Donghyuck waving him over to a table with him, Jaemin, and Yeri. Renjun chewed his lip.

Jeno glanced in their direction, his eyes blank.

“We don’t have to sit with them,” he said quickly, though his heart dropped at the thought of his friends and his... whatever Jeno was, not being able to coexist. Renjun wanted deeply for them to get along.

Then he felt his hand on the small of his back and the area tingled. “They’re your friends. I’m not taking you away from them.” Jeno glanced at him as they walked over. “As much as I want you all to myself,” he added darkly.

Renjun swallowed visibly and blinked at him, trusting him not to guide him into any tables, considering he couldn’t take his eyes off Jeno.

“Hey, Jen,” Donghyuck greeted enthusiastically, standing to do some weird boy-fist-handshake thing.

Jeno obliged. “Donghyuck,” he muttered back.

He lifted his head to Jaemin and Yeri. She forced a grin at him, slightly surprised and scared by his presence. Jaemin regarded him more levelly but responded to the greeting.

They all sat and Renjun was afraid of a yawing silence as the boys had some sort of stare down. He didn’t know why he was afraid when Donghyuck was around; he launched into an epic conversation the moment they sat down. Jeno was friendly, engaging with all of them, and Renjun spent most of the time soaking it all in. He had watched Jeno at school. He seemed like a loner and didn’t even register the existence of most people at school, though he’d seen him glare at Jaemin a couple of times. He was distant, almost broody with everyone but him. And even with Renjun, he liked it when he did most of the talking. But he showed another side of himself, making an effort with his friends, even Jaemin, who was bordering on downright rude. He especially liked the way he sat so close to himself, close enough their thighs touched, and every now and then he’d brush a lock of hair out of his face.

The bell rang and Renjun was reluctant to be out of his presence. He was ecstatic, floating on cloud nine at the fact things were so easy, so natural with everyone.

“We’ve got Lit, Renjun,” Jaemin declared, standing and staring at Jeno.

“Bro, aren’t you in my Biology class?” Donghyuck asked Jeno as they stood too. Donghyuck was seriously good at biology. By the sounds of it, he could be a doctor if he wanted. But he wanted to be a rock star, much to his parent’s dismay.

Jeno nodded, rising at the same time as Renjun did, handing him his backpack.

“Thought so. I’ve seen you there a couple of times,” he replied. “Should we head? I know Kim’s damn near homicidal every time I turn up late,” he said, frowning.

Renjun was staring at Jeno with narrowed eyes at the “couple of times,” part of Donghyuck’s statement. Renjun didn’t have any classes with Jeno, considering he was the grade above him. But he didn’t like the idea that he cut classes. He was smart. Renjun knew that he could easily get a scholarship to any college he wanted.

“Renjun. Literature,” Jaemin reminded him sharply.

Renjun eyes cut to him. “Yeah, Jaemin, I haven’t forgotten.”

“See you later?” Jeno murmured.

“We’re going to cruise the music stores after school,” Yeri cut in. “C-come with,” she invited. Renjun couldn't help but smile at her effort.

“Rain check,” Jeno replied. “Got work.”

Yeri’s face fell. “Well, that blows.”

Jeno shrugged. “It’s not too bad.” He moved his attention to Renjun. “Bye,” he said softly.

“Bye,” he muttered.

Jeno looked at him a beat longer then left with Donghyuck, Yeri trailing them.

Renjun scowled at Jaemin as they walked in the opposite direction. “What was that?” he snapped.

Jaemin had the guile to look innocent. “What?”

“You doing your best impression of the ice queen Elsa,” Renjun retorted. “What’s the deal? Do you not like Jeno or something?” Renjun asked, feeling crestfallen. Jaemin was his friend. The thought of him not liking Jeno was painful.

His face hardened. “I don’t know him well enough to like or dislike him.”

Renjun frowned at him as we walked into their class. “Well, you could have a career in politics with answers like that,” Renjun said dryly, unpacking his books and placing them on the desk with a little more force than necessary. “I like him, Jaemin. I want you to like him too,” he added softly.

Jaemin sat down, sighing. “I want to like him too, Jun. But I also don’t want you getting hurt.”

“What makes you think Jeno will hurt me?”

“I don’t know,” he hedged. His eyes turned from the front of the class and he lowered his voice as the teacher started talking. “He might not hang around anyone at school, his friends are bikers,” he whispered, “but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t spent time fooling around with other boys.”

Renjun's face must have paled as he felt the blood leave it rapidly.

Jaemin’s hand moved on top of his in a comforting gesture. “I’m not saying that to hurt you, Jun,” he whispered quickly. “He’s never been with... anyone like he is with you. But I’m protective of you. No matter how much Donghyuck chats to him, so is he, and Yeri. _Especially_ Yeri. He’ll need that entire biker gang he hangs around with if he does hurt you,” he warned ominously.

Renjun didn’t get to say anything back as they earned a throat clearing and pointed look from the teacher.

Jaemin’s face moved to the front of the class, and Renjun continued to stare at his profile. There were many things to think of on what he just said. He felt sick thinking about Jeno with other people. _Stupid._ He was hot and a teenage guy, of course he’d dated before. Not everyone was like him and hadn’t even been kissed at seventeen.

It wasn’t that that gave him the most pause. It was the way Jaemin’s face had changed when he warned about Jeno hurting him. He was quiet and mild mannered, and Renjun had never even seen an inkling of violence on his gentle friend. Until then.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

It was a happy accident on Friday that Renjun was walking into the school parking lot the moment a motorcycle roared in. Skipping may have been more of an appropriate description of what he was doing since he felt like he was floating around the school for the past week. He had lunch with Jeno every single day so far. Sometimes he ate with the band, but a couple of times he had directed him out onto the quad with a chin lift to the boys and girls who gave him knowing winks. They had talked about everything and nothing those times. Sometimes Jeno helped him with homework, but mostly they chatted about their favorite books, movies, and music, and got to know each other. The more Renjun got to know him, the more he liked him. _Liked him_. So much so that he didn’t think there was a moment of his day that he wasn’t in his mind.

Renjun stopped his journey to Jaemin’s car and watched as Jeno’s bike rode towards him and pulled up beside him. Renjun turned his body his way but stayed rooted in the spot as Jeno dismounted, his eyes on him.

He couldn’t help but drink him in, even though he was frowning. Jeno was wearing his motorcycle jacket, which he basically lived in. A tight, white tee was underneath, hinting at the muscles Renjun had only imagined seeing and touching. He bet any jeans label would pay millions to have Jeno model the pair he was wearing, faded, not in the artificial way, but through wear. Black motorcycle boots stopped inches away from his Fila Disruptors.

Renjun moved his gaze to meet Jeno's ice eyes. They were worried.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “You sick?” His gaze ran over Renjun's face, looking for signs of illness, his hand going to his elbow.

Renjun wanted to be touched by his concern. He was, a teeny bit, he could also feel himself getting annoyed. “I’m fine,” he replied tersely. “Where have you been?”

“Where you going then, you cutting?” He smirked, ignoring his question. “My little dimples would never break the rules, not without me at least,” he teased.

Renjun ignored the butterflies at getting called his. “I’m getting Donghyuck’s stuff he forgot. It’s my study period and we were going to stay after school and use the auditorium for acoustics.” They were braving Mr. Kwon’s wrath to do so. Renjun usually hated breaking any kind of rules, but they had their music teacher’s explicit permission, after he heard them play. He’d promised to brave Mr. Kwon himself if need be. Renjun had a feeling Mr. Kwon wasn’t well liked within the faculty.

“Are you only just getting here? It’s almost lunch, if that great ball of fire in the middle of the sky hadn’t already told you that.” Renjun pointed to the sky.

Jeno grinned. “I’m aware of the great ball of fire and its position in the sky communicating time.”

Renjun didn’t grin. “That means you’re late.”

“If it’s almost lunch, I’m just on time,” he countered, his eyes turning intense.

Renjun stared at him, something stirring in his belly for some reason.

“Three periods come before lunch,” he reminded him.

“Yeah, they’re not important. Lunch is,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Renjun fingers tingled. “Lunch,” he whispered, realization dawning.

Jeno nodded. “Yeah. Lunch. With you.”

He swallowed. “Where have you been this morning?”

Jeno shrugged, looking sideways a moment. “At the garage. They’re short. Need an extra hand. I’m helping them out.”

Without even thinking about it, Renjun lifted his hand and turned Jeno’s chin so he faced him. “But you have school,” he reminded him. “What about your classes?”

Jeno’s eyes blazed into his. “What about them?”

Renjun dropped his hand quickly, registering that was the first time he’d touched him of his own accord. Renjun hadn’t worked up the confidence to do it yet. Apparently irritation helped.

Jeno didn’t let his arm fall to his side, as was his intention. He grasped it and linked Renjun's fingers with his.

“You need to go to them in order to graduate high school,” Renjun whispered, trying not to be distracted by larger hands engulfing his.

Jeno shrugged again.

Renjun frowned. “Jeno, you need to graduate high school, so you can go to a good college.” He hated sounding more like a mom than his actual mom ever did.

Jeno’s eyes went blank and he dropped his hand. “You think I’ve got a chance at college, Renjun?” he asked in a flat voice.

“Yes,” he replied firmly. “I do.”

He shook his head. “That makes one of us,” he muttered, glancing at his feet. “Guys like me, we don’t belong in college. I’m only wasting my time here.” He nodded at the building in front of them. “But Kang-Dae insists I do it if I wanna prospect. That place doesn’t hold a future for me.” He paused. “Well, at least it didn’t.”

There was a long, beautiful moment of silence as Renjun realized his meaning. He couldn’t address that now, though.

“You can be anything you want to be. You’re smart. Really smart. You could be a frigging astronaut if you wanted,” Renjun exclaimed.

Jeno grinned. “Got no desire to travel into space and see the stars up close. I can see the only one that matters right here.” He stepped forward so their bodies brushed together.

Renjun gazed at him, his entire body going jelly at the proximity and the electricity between them. He blinked rapidly. “Don’t you dare pull this cheesy shit on me so you can distract me when I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”

“I’m being dead serious.” His eyes were blazing.

Renjun let the warmth of those words settle around him. “You can be anything you want to be, Jeno. You might not have a mom who tells you that, but you can,” Renjun whispered.

His eyes hardened the moment he mentioned his mom. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted to be was a patched member of the Skulls,” he informed him. “Don’t need a high school diploma for that.”

Renjun bit his lip, feeling profoundly sad that he was potentially throwing his future away for this club. It wasn’t his place to judge. They were his family, and Mr. K. was part of it. It wasn’t his place to judge what was and wasn’t suited for his future. If he really thought about it, he technically didn’t know him that well. On the other hand, it was like he’d known him forever. Or as forever as he could fathom. It just got to him the way he talked about himself as... less. The way he dismissed himself.

“What if you change your mind?” Renjun pressed softly. “What if you decide you want to get out of this town? See the world?”

Jeno searched his eyes. “I won’t change my mind,” he replied firmly. “You don’t have to get on a plane to see the world, Renjun. Shit I’ve seen in my life, I know plenty about the world. Enough to know what I want from it.” He stepped forward to clasp their hands together once more. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted was my bike, that cut, and the freedom that came with that. It’s a short list, never thought it’d grow.” He squeezed his hand. “Stand corrected, Renjun.” His voice was almost a whisper, his mouth so close to his, he could feel his breath. 

_He is going to kiss me. Finally._

After all those almost kisses, after weeks of confusion and desperation, it was going to happen.

Renjun even leaned forward slightly, preparing himself, his entire body pulsing from the realization. Then the bell rang, shocking him backward and Jeno’s eyes moved behind him, to where people would be filtering out onto the quad no doubt.

“Let’s get Donghyuck’s shit. It’s time for lunch,” he declared, stepping back.

Renjun let out a breath. That was the only time he’d actually dreaded the lunch bell. He was starting to think Jeno and him would never actually kiss. They’d be stuck in this weird almost relationship limbo forever.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

The next day, Renjun's mind had wandered so far it took him a moment to realize his body had done the same. He stopped to catch his breath on a corner and looked around him. The neighborhood was foreign. The city wasn’t really big enough to have nice and bad parts of town. There were definitely streets with impressive houses, but no mansions or gated communities were around there. His neighborhood was mostly full of family homes, apart from Mr. K’s. And although they might not have been mansions, people took care of their homes. Took pride in them.

The houses around there didn’t show that. Some looked like the residents took a passing interest in lawn maintenance; others looked like overgrown jungles. Paint chipped off most houses, as with the one in front of him. The lawn was mowed, but it was yellowing and patchy.

Renjun guessed the house had been white at some point, but the weatherboard was faded to gray in some places and completely peeling off in others. There was a closed off garage, which was in a similar state of disrepair, but that wasn’t what caught his attention. It was the motorcycle in the garage. It was familiar. He would know it anywhere.

His heart sank and soared at the same time. He knew who this house belonged to.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement. He turned his attention to the front door, which had a very familiar, leather-clad body leaving it. Though Renjun couldn’t hear the slam, he watched the force behind Jeno’s body as he yanked it closed and then stormed down the cracked pavement toward his bike. Something must have told him he was being watched because his stormy gaze landed on Renjun and he froze. Literally right on the spot.

He did the same. This was because of the purplish black shadowing underneath his eye and the bleeding cut on his cheek, which hadn’t been there yesterday. Worry and anger, pure anger, bubbled inside him at the sight of it. Renjun felt a distinct urge to know who inflicted violence on his beautiful face and a need to extract some sort of revenge on them.

Jeno seemed to shake himself out of his paralysis and moved his stride toward him. Renjun didn’t move, didn’t even take his earbuds out as he got closer. He merely stared at the bruise on his eye.

Jeno's hands reached up to pull his headphones. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his jaw hard.

“What the hell happened to your face?” Renjun replied exasperated.

His eyes turned blank. He stepped back slightly. “Nothing.”

“That’s not nothing,” Renjun argued. “That’s something. Someone fucking hit you.” His voice was small, quivering with anger.

“I’m fine. You should see the other guy,” he told him, his tone didn’t match the cliché joke. He was so far from laughing, or even smiling. This entire version of him was foreign to him. “What are you doing here? At my house. You shouldn’t be here,” he continued in the same foreign voice.

Renjun felt himself redden more. “I was out running,” he said, pointing out the obvious. “I wasn’t paying attention as to where I was going. I had no idea this was your house.” He glanced at it. “Until now,” he continued, meeting his eyes.

“You should pay better attention.” His voice was almost a growl. “You definitely shouldn’t be running around this neighborhood. You shouldn’t be here. A guy like you doesn’t belong here.”

Renjun blinked a couple of times to catch up with everything he was saying, to try to understand the coldness in his voice. “But you’re here,” he pointed out. “It can’t be that bad.” he tried to make his voice light.

His words had the opposite effect. Jeno laughed without humor. The harshness of the sound almost made Renjun's body jerk. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he snapped. “Go home. Now.” he ordered.

Renjun flinched at the way he was addressing him; it was so unlike him. His eyes flickered to the house once more and something clicked. He was embarrassed. Embarrassed for whatever reason that he lived here, as if there was a reason to be. 

And hot, broody boys like Jeno weren’t supposed to be embarrassed, so he was going for cruel instead.

Renjun stepped forward, frowning at his head in concern. “Okay, I’ll go home, but only if you come with me. Tell me what happened to your face, let me make sure it’s okay. Patch up the cut,” he said, voice soft.

Jeno stepped back, away from him. “You’re going home. I’m sure as shit not coming. I’ve got places to be, Renjun. Stop trying to venture into stuff you don’t understand. Go where you don’t belong,” he said in a cold voice.

“Where I don’t belong,” Renjun repeated in a hurt voice. “You mean with you,” he said slowly, his stomach sinking.

Jeno nodded once. “That’s exactly what I mean. So go." he commanded.

Renjun stood tall, not giving in to the urge to run, to let the tears at the back of his eyes fall at the harsh words. “No,” he replied firmly. “You don’t get to tell me where I do and don’t belong. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jeno stared at him for a long moment, his face blank. “Fine,” he said finally. “I’ll go.”

Then he turned on his heel and strode to his bike, mounting it and roaring off. Renjun could only stare at him. He didn’t even glance his way once.


	5. Chapter 5

It was Monday again and Renjun made it through the rest of the day without somehow running into Jeno. A miracle he thanked the universe for. Unfortunately, the universe couldn’t silence his mind; he didn’t escape thoughts of him and their last conversation.  
  
This turned him cranky. He was never cranky. Renjun was a happy person. He had a happy life. It was always full of laughter, music, and books. He was angry he was becoming the guy who was sitting in class, not listening while he brooded over a boy. A boy he barely knew. Who he hadn’t even kissed.  
  
“Hey, where were you at lunch?” Yeri asked softly as they set their books down the desks.  
Renjun sat down. “I was helping your brother with his English paper,” he replied, his eyes on the front of the class.

There was a pause, a long one. Renjun moved his gaze to see Yeri regarding him with one brow raised.

“My brother,” he repeated.

Renjun nodded. “That’s what I said.”

“Since when are you and Jaemin are study buddies?”

“Since today,” he snapped, moving his attention away from Yeri’s knowing gaze.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact we had to eat our lunch with a very silent and very broody Jeno today, does it?” she asked casually.

His head snapped back to her. “You had lunch with Jeno today?”

She nodded. “He was mighty curious as to where you were, considering Donghyuck informed him you were, indeed, in the building. Curiosity quickly turned to concern when you didn’t reply to any of our texts,” he said. “I’m surprised he didn’t arrange a search party or put out an announcement on the loudspeaker system, but I should’ve imagined you’d be with Jaemin for some reason.”

Renjun fumbled into his bag, looking for his forgotten phone. He wasn’t someone who was glued to it. Its main use was for music. Renjun hated texting and wasn’t hugely keen on social media. Unbelievable for the generation he belonged to.

“It’s dead,” he declared, looking at the blank screen.

“Phones away, Mr. Huang,” a brisk voice ordered.

Renjun glanced to the front of the class. Mr. Yanaba regarded him with a raised brow. He felt multiple eyes on him. “Sorry,” Renjun muttered, throwing the useless piece of technology into his backpack.

Yeri squeezed his hand. “You okay? Do I need to get out my shotgun?”

Renjun gave her a look out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the teacher’s attention to go off him before he replied. “You don’t have a shotgun.”

“I have pepper spray.” she declared, with the most serious expression. “But I can find a gun if you need me to.”

He patted her hand. “I’m fine, miss badass,” Renjun reassured her quietly.

Renjun could feel her disbelieving face out of the corner of his eye, but she didn’t say anything more. Although, she doodled on a piece of paper, with “Shopping list” at the top. Underneath she wrote, “Shotgun.”

When Renjun glanced at it, she let out choked laughter, which earned him another disapproving look from the teacher, but it lifted his spirits.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌

Renjun stepped out into the warm sunshine, thinking he had somehow made it through the day, helped immensely by his friend.

“We’ll meet you out front,” Yeri had told him before they parted ways for last period. “Since you went MIA at lunch, you weren’t able to hear the news.” She grinned. “That’s bound to perk you up to your original level.”

Renjun hated surprises. “What news? Tell me now.”

Yeri shook her head. “Donghyuk will kill me if I don’t wait for all of us. See you after school,” she called, turning down a hall.

“Tell me now,” Renjun shouted after her, a couple of people giving him sideways looks.

Yeri merely grinned at him over her shoulder and threw up a peace sign.

So he hadn’t actually used all of his brainpower to think about Jeno, only about 80 percent. The other twenty he wondered about the “news.”

“Renjun.” A voice beside him hampered his escape.

Renjun felt Jeno’s heat at his side and gave himself a split second before met his eyes.

“Jeno,” he greeted, his voice flat. His eyes immediately went to the fading bruise at Jeno’s eye, and he had to ball his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching up to stroke it.

“I missed you at lunch,” Jeno said quietly, stepping closer to him.

Renjun held his breath. It was an exquisite pain being this close to him with the cocktail of emotions simmering beneath surface.

“You didn’t reply to my texts either. No ones. I was worried.”

Renjun looked up at him. “My phone died.”

Jeno’s brows furrowed as he gazed into his eyes. “Where were you?” he asked quietly.

Renjun pursed his lips. He didn’t want to tell him. He wasn’t exactly Jaemin’s biggest fan. Renjun didn’t know how he would think about his tutoring services being extended his way. Then again, who cared what he thought? He was the one who’d been rude to him, who he hadn’t heard from until today. Now he didn't even get an apology. He opened his mouth, but someone beat him to it.

Renjun felt pressure on his shoulders from behind. “Donghyuck is looking for you, babe."

Jeno’s body went hard in front of him.

“He’s got my car. I’m meeting him at the vintage store later, you should go too. And oh, Thank you, I’m your slave for the rest of time,” Jaemin’s voice sounded sweet in his ear. “Your tutoring skills deserves a Nobel prize, Jun. You saved my ass.” Jaemin said. He obviously didn’t notice the furious glint in Jeno’s eyes because he leaned in and kissed his cheek before winking at him and sauntering down the steps, followed by a group of soccer players who waved and smiled at Renjun.

“Tutoring?” he gritted out, eyes on the back of Jaemin’s soccer jersey. “You were with him at lunch?”

Renjun cocked his eyebrow up. “I wasn’t aware it was illegal.”

“He took you away from having lunch with me.” he declared seriously. “He took away my chance at apologizing,” he added in a softer voice.

Jeno’s dark gaze threatened to dissipate Renjun’s bravado. He was in danger of melting at his feet. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Though his gaze and his words made Renjun’s heart pound, he was still pissed. Pissed at not just him and his over-the-top reaction to Jaemin, but pissed at himself for letting him have such an effect on him.

Renjun stepped back. “You don’t possess my every lunch break, Jeno. I’m sure you have better things to do. I’ve got to go.” Renjun turned and started down the steps.

Jeno caught up with him, firmly gripping his arm to stop me at the bottom of the steps by the curb. “What are you talking about, Renjun?” he growled, his brow furrowed.

Renjun yanked his hand out of his grasp. “I know I’m not good at this.” He nodded his head between them. “I’ll admit I have terrible experience with boys. Terrible experience meaning no experience.” Renjun paused and took a breath. “I thought I was different, this was something different. Special,” He whispered, glancing at his feet. He found his strength and looked back into the other boy ice eyes. “If you don’t want to be with me, fine. Just, please, stop pretending.”

His glare turned murderous. “Dimples, what the fuck are you talking about? This is—”

Luckily, the universe wasn’t finishing intercepting emotional bullets for him because a car screeched up beside them on the curb.

“Get in, loser. We’re going shopping,” Donghyuck called, hanging out the window with a grin. “You can come too, Jen,” he told Jeno, not registering the body language between them.

Renjun stepped fully away from him. “No, Jeno won’t be coming with us. He’s busy,” He said icily.

“Renjun—” His eyes darted to the car.

“Good-bye, Jeno.” He quickly opened the door before Jeno could stop him.

Renjun watched as Jeno stared at the car as Donghyuck sped off. 

Yeri frowned at him from across the seat. She opened her mouth to ask about that little scene, Renjun was sure, but luckily Donghyuck cut in.

“Did you tell him?” he shot at Yeri, twisting around in his seat.

Yeri dragged his gaze from him. “Since you threatened to stab me with your drumsticks if I did, no,” she responded dryly.

Renjun grinned despite himself.

Donghyuck’s excited gaze cut to him. “You are not going to believe what I have done for us,” he exclaimed. “Seriously, you’re going to want to marry me, have my children, name a statue after me—”

“Short version, please,” Yeri instructed, her voice teasing. Renjun didn’t miss the serious glint in her eyes as she glanced at him in the rearview mirror.

“Dude, this news needs an intro, for dramatic effect,” Donghyuck drawled when the car reached a red light. “Okay.” He lifted his drumsticks and pounded them on the wheel. “We’ve got a gig!” he yelled after an appropriate amount of buildup.

Renjun raised his brows. “A gig?”

Donghyuck nodded rapidly. “Yes, because I am a god among men, I know people.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Technically, _Jaemin_ knows people,” Yeri cut in.

Donghyuck glared at her. “Yeah, he knows them, but it’s my terrific charisma that got people feeling like doing us a favor,” he snapped. “People who know people who know people who own clubs. Clubs where record execs have been known to hang. A certain club that is willing to turn a blind eye to the fact we are a little under age.”

“If you call five years _a little_ ,” Yeri added in.

Donghyuck didn’t respond, only gave her a glare before turning back to Renjun, a smile immediately returning. “So tell me how much you love me.”

Renjun leaned forward and kissed his head. “I love you so very much,” He told him seriously. He did. Not only for the gig, which he was totally psyched about, but for distracting him from his pounding heart, sweaty palms, and buzzing mind.

His cheeks reddened slightly, but he grinned. “Yes, well, I’m sorry to break your heart, darlin’, but I’m saving myself for all the groupies I’m bound to have. Probably a good thing we nip our affair in the bud right now. I’m quite fond of my face. I don’t need Jeno rearranging it. What’s the deal with you two? You’re boyfriends, right?” He spoke rapidly; Renjun was impressed.

His stomach dropped at his question, and his mouth went dry as he searched for an explanation. He could feel both Yeri’s knowing eyes on him.

“Anyway, that’s why we’re going shopping,” Yeri continued, luckily not waiting for him to answer. “We, meaning me, need to construct our image,” she declared.

“Your image?” Renjun repeated.

Yeri nodded.

Renjun couldn’t help it, and burst out laughing, the feeling warming up the body that had felt ice cold before.

“Okay, let’s talk options,” Renjun said, rubbing his hands together.

Luckily, the rest of the ride was taken up with talk of wardrobe and set lists.

“Your mom gonna be okay with this, Renjun?” Yeri asked as they got out of the car.

He thought for a second. Would any parent be happy about their underage, teenage son playing in a club at 11:00 p.m. at night? “Yeah, she’ll be fine,” He told him. Renjun didn’t doubt it. Mom, more than anything, wanted to help him achieve his dream. She also knew he was the furthest from a rebellious teenager as one could get. She trusted him. 

“What about your guys’ folks?” Renjun asked as they walked in the door of some rock vintage shop.

Donghyuck snorted. “I’m sure my dad will give his complete approval from his position passed out drunk on the sofa,” he said.

“Dad will be glad to have me out of the house. I doubt he’ll notice I’m gone,” Yeri muttered.

Renjun heart fell that his best friends had such rough home lives. He couldn’t imagine not having a supportive parent.

He didn’t know how it could be possible, but they had the most amazing afternoon. When Jaemin finally arrived, they presented him with a fashion show with equally outrageous outfits. They laughed until their ribs hurt, until their stomachs cramped, not minding the stares of other people around.

Renjun found himself thanking his stars. He might not have Jeno, but he had his band. He prayed he’d find a way to be okay with that.

◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌ ◌
    
    
     ** _Jeno:_ **backyard

The text didn’t wake him up. He was already wide awake. The afternoon with friends had chased away the feelings dredged up by Jeno, but they all came hurtling in with the darkness.

He didn’t even think. He threw the covers back and shoved his feet into sequined Ugg boots and didn’t even put a jacket over his Star Wars pjs. He was that eager to see him.

Renjun didn’t think of the shame or the guilt he felt sneaking out of the house without his mom’s knowledge. Renjun rushed down the stairs after closing the door quietly, aiming for the dark figure with his back to him.

“Jeno, I—” He started to say the thing that he had come to realize moments ago.

Renjun was cut off by Jeno turning around and clutching the sides of his head, bringing his mouth down on Renjun’s. He was paralyzed for a split second, taken completely unaware by the feeling of his mouth. Then he relaxed into his touch, Jeno’s arms circling around him as his lips coaxed his own open. They opened automatically, letting Jeno in, letting the fire explode in his body at being subjected to such an amazing kiss for his very first time.

He felt his loss the moment his lips left his. He didn’t move far away, resting his forehead on Renjun’s. He could only see the dim outline of his body in the darkness, but he felt his eyes on him.

“I was going to wait,” he murmured in a husky voice. “Wait till out first proper date to do that, till you were ready. But seeing that asshole putting his mouth on you today, I had to claim yours. To make sure it wasn’t his touch that lingered on you. That I would be the only one kissing you for the near future.”

Renjun breathed into his mouth, his body still burning a thousand flames. His arms were tight around Renjun’s hips and he drank in the feeling that came from this.

“ _Wow_ ,” Renjun whispered in response.

“Just wow?” Jeno asked. Renjun could feel the smile in his voice as his hands flexed against his waist.

“Wow may be a small word but it encompasses a lot,” Renjun stuttered. “Give me a second,” he whispered dreamily.

“I’ve got you in my arms. I’ll give you a lifetime,” he murmured back.

“Not helping,” he told him.

Jeno chuckled and he felt the vibration through his body.

“No one’s ever kissed me before,” he admitted finally.

A hand moved up to cup his jaw. “Know that, Renjun. I don’t have much—a car I built up with my dad, my bike. Thought they were the most precious things I had in this world.” He paused and brushed his lips against Renjun’s once more. “I was wrong. You giving me that, me having that, it’s the most precious gift I’ve ever gotten.”

Renjun couldn’t fathom all of this was happening right now. His stomach was a mess of butterflies, of joy, of fire.

“We need to talk about whatever that was today after school,” he murmured, his arms still tight around him.

He stiffened at the reminder of that.

Jeno didn’t miss this. He didn’t miss anything. His arms flexed around Renjun and he leaned back to grasp his chin and face it toward him in the dim moonlight.

“Dimples,” he probed.

Renjun blinked up at the dark silhouette. “It was nothing.” he said, hoping to dismiss the subject altogether.

“You were upset. So that’s not nothing. That’s never nothing,” Jeno argued.

He sighed, feeling warm and cold at the same time. His words, the sentiment behind them, warmed his heart, but the echoes of what happened the other day battled against that warmth.

Jeno rubbed his arms, his hand leaving Renjun’s chin to warm them, as if he sensed the battle inside his head. Inside his heart. He waited patiently for him to find the words, as if he had all the time in the world.

“When I ran to your house by accident, everything went wrong. The things you said… the way you were hurt. It kinda crushed me. It felt like you wanted to erase me from that scenery, like you wanted to forget me.” Renjun said, his words tumbling out in a rush. He hoped, if he said it quick enough, they wouldn’t settle into the air like a weight.

_Wishful thinking._

Jeno’s whole body went taut, and I could almost feel the change in his emotions; his fury was that physical. His hands moved from his arms to cup his face so his nose brushed Renjun’s and he could feel his breath on his lips.

“I am such an asshole, Renjun.” he rasped, his voice hard and soft at the same time. “I’m so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry I hurt you. God, I want to give you everything. The fuckin’ world.” He paused, breathing heavily. Renjun, for one, wasn’t breathing, his words like actual oxygen. “Nothing. _Nothing_ would make me forget about you,” he promised fiercely. 

They were silent for a long time, his head resting against Renjun’s, his words chasing away every single echo of doubt in his mind.

“Promise you’ll never let ugly words make you forget that,” Jeno whispered.

“I promise,” he whispered back.

Jeno landed a featherlight kiss on his lips, electrifying his entire body with the small gesture.

“We’ve got more shit to talk about,” Jeno continued, like his words hadn’t just rocked him to the core. “But we’re not doing that in the middle of the night when you don’t have a sweater on.” His hands rubbed Renjun’s arms.

“I’m not cold,” he protested. He was burning hot. Jeno’s arms were better than any sweater ever invented.

“Yeah, well, I don’t want my boy getting sick,” he said. “Plus, I don’t want us sneaking around in the shadows. You need to be in the light.”

“Is that what I am?” Renjun asked quietly. “Your boyfriend?”

Jeno brushed hair from his forehead. “No, not until I take you on a proper date. One your mom knows about,” he replied, staring at him.

Renjun chewed his lip. “What, so we can’t be boyfriends until you’ve formally asked my mom?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“Already consider you mine. Have since the moment I laid eyes on you. Want to take you on a proper date so your mom knows, so the world knows.”

Renjun’s heart thrashed against his chest with those words, with being in Jeno’s arms. Being his freaking boyfriend.

He bent his head to kiss him softly once more. Renjun melted into him immediately. Too soon, he pulled back. “You need to go back inside,” he murmured against his mouth, rubbing his arms. “Tomorrow we’ll talk about this again, about everything you said. And I’ll give you a proper apology for Saturday, an explanation,” he promised.

“You don’t have to apologize again,” Renjun said quickly. He feared Jeno could burn down his house and, as long as he kissed him after, all would be forgiven. It was a dangerous thought.

Jeno squeezed his arms. “I’m givin’ you an real apology. You deserve it. You didn’t deserve that shit,” he told him firmly and kissed his forehead. “Inside, Dimples,” he ordered.

Renjun stayed for a moment, staring at his dark form. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For giving me the most precious gift, the most perfect first kiss in the history of first kisses.” And before he could feel exposed by hearing the words outside his head, he turned and rushed back into the house.

Renjun was in danger of skipping into the house, but he was mindful of his sleeping, ignorant mother upstairs. At least he thought she was upstairs. As he danced quietly around his dark room, he peeked out onto the dark street and saw his mother’s form exiting Mr. K’s house and rushing across the street.

He gaped at what he was seeing, then quickly closed the blind.

“Holy shit,” he whispered to himself.

Mom. Coming out of Mr. K’s in the middle of the night. In her nightie.

Renjun grinned.

_Totally awesome._

He went to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays i guess!!!!


End file.
